I'm a Christian girl. I full believer and I know God has a calling on my life. I know I'm destined for greatness. I am almost completely sold out. I have a huge weakness and it's holding me back, like seriously. I have always been drawn to things of a sexual nature. I'm a virgin, I've done stuff but nothing serious. I've even cut off the guy who's been tempting me but it won't go away. I watch porn and engage in unchristian thoughts and actions. I don't know what to become overcome and resist it
I’ve gotten a lot of messages recently on girls struggling with sexual things like this. I haven’t brought myself to answer most of them because I don’t think I’m qualified to be guiding anyone else when it comes to this stuff. See I’m at a loss here too. But my God is so much bigger than lust.
I admitted it in church today when I was discussing with some friends. See I think this whole lust thing is the hardest because I go from one state of mind to a completely different state of mine in a split second. Once I’m in that lustful state, I don’t want to leave it! Now what?!?
Well something in me says no. That’s the Holy Spirit. And he says fight back. So I do. And I fight the thoughts and the temptations, and I hate them. And I keep hating those thoughts. And I crawl back, no matter how hard, to the state of mind I was in before. The clean one. And I talk to Jesus. I ask for grace. I worship him and I just think about his loyalty.
Jesus, I can’t do this anymore. I need you. I need your grace. I don’t have the strength to fight this one anymore. I just want to give in. You are worth the fight, though. And I will keep fighting. And I will try and try to stay pure and I will remember you. I remember your promises. You’re here, you’re near. You haven’t left, you won’t leave. You were faithful to Moses, Noah, David, Deborah, Esther, Paul, Timothy, Jonah, John, Ruth… You are faithful. You are loving. I am your beloved, your bride.
What do I do? I start worshipping him. That’s the only thing I’ve found that works. When I start lusting, when I’m tempted, when I not only stumble but completely wipe out, I look up and I worship. Because when I look up and begin to sing his praises, those problems down here are so much smaller. My God is so much bigger than lust.
Look at your God! Look at my God! Look what he does!
He’s full of mercy, he forgives the murderers, the adulterers, the cheaters, the hypocrites, the ignorant, the hateful, the lustful.
He’s so powerful! With his words he actually brought things into existence. There wasn’t anything there before, but look what’s there now!
My God is full grace. He helps even the worst of us. He strengthens me. He holds me when I cry (which is pretty much more often than I speak) and he gives me the courage to stand. When I can’t, he carries me.
And he’s not just going to stop. No, he’s put so much effort into me. So much time. He’s held me, shaped me, comforted me, taught me, and he’s not giving up now. My Jesus is with me through the thick and thin and he’s not going to leave me now because I’m struggling with lust. He’s whispering in my ear all day. He’s reminding me that my eyes need to be locked with his. He asks me to turn fully to him and to hold his gaze. You can’t entertain lust when your eyes are locked to Heaven. Jesus and lust can’t be in your mind at the same time.
And you know what? This gets easier. The longer you go without it, the less it pulls at you. It won’t alway be this hard, but it is hard right now and I understand that. Remember that Jesus has never left you, he’s done so much for you, and he’s not stopping yet.
We can do this. You, me, all the other girls who struggle with it, and Jesus. You do have me, you do have Jesus, and ladies please, send messages (anon or not!) supporting my anonymous friend here (and the many other messages we get about this!). I believe in you, you can persevere!
Now, practical advice-wise, you should download some kind of safe-internet browsing thing. I’m sure they have official names but I don’t know them. I hear that xxxchurch.com is one of the best places for this kind of software (the firewall I bought for my laptop came with excellent “parental” controls - in quotes because I’m the one who set them! I’ve never used the website before but my trusty sources say “muy bueno!”)
Make a jar (here’s
mine!) and drop Bible verses in there. When you need help and you’re about to give in, run to your jar and read a verse that will remind you to set your eyes on heavenly things. I think you should look most of these up yourself, but there’s an awesome source
here. (technically that was a picture of the “judge-jar” that my sister and I drop money in when we’re rude. The idea is that it can be cute and I had fun making the jar, I was excited to cut down on the rude talk in my house!)
I urge you (like I say in almost everything I post!) to find a Mother-in-Christ (hehe) or in other words, an older, wiser woman in your church or an aunt or something who can guide you. Someone you can totally trust. Tell an adult. Ask for help. She’ll be understanding. Let the Holy Spirit guide you to right woman and let her help you. Let her keep you accountable. Maybe you’ll have to give her a weekly report, and if that’s what it takes for this struggle to be behind you then that’s what needs to happen. Don’t stop. Don’t give up. Don’t slow down.
you can do this
Jesus is with you
you are never alone
you will never be alone
I am praying for anyone who has sent me messages about this, I’ve been praying passionately from the moment I got them.
—Rachael
if you need anyone to talk to, add me on Facebook!
